but, do you know what? I am so over worrying about it all, fretting, wondering, having it all revisit me in various forms and cause me trauma
today I realised that there truly are no sour grapes I have moved on, I have left what is no longer in my life behind, I have some feelings of relief that it no longer impacts me, I have no feelings of guilt or shame about those who chose not to be in my life anymore, I don't care about what I am no longer involved in (not in an "I don't care! na na ne na naaaaaaaaaa" was but in a I have no cares or regrets about it - a more positive, assertive not caring)
so, really, it's not about being or not being in the mood I just don't have the energy, the inclination, the desire, to wonder about the rights and the wrongs of it all
(what does amaze me is that if there are people who had/have such strong feelings about something that was none of their business anyhow, who "care" about me and how I am, why I never heard from them until I happened to bump into them in my supermarket)
.
(ok, perhaps that last bit was a little bit ranty, but then I am only human)
(ok, perhaps that last bit was a little bit ranty, but then I am only human)
4 comments:
where did November go??
How are you my lovely?I'm glad you don't care, but in a good way (-: xxxx
Without knowing the ins and outs of it, this sounds like a very pragmatic and sensible decision, not to say brave, indeed a most acceptable Christmas present to yourself!
You are delightfully and wonderfully human and I'm very happy for your relief from caring about those things that have been left behind.
(((((((((((((((((Inukshuk)))))))))))))))
Now THAT is a good point, that end one.
I'm glad you made it with yourself. Cuz you're right...many times over!
I like the 'no blame/no regrets' assertion.
As WPIML said "It just doesn't F***ing matter, Mel. WHY let that sh** live rent free in your head?" (yeahyeahyeah, he swore a whole lot....LOL)
It's taken me years to understand the Brit's "I can't be bothered" to equate to "I don't care" in my speak. Seriously--"I can't be bothered" to carry around other people's 'stuff' about my life. Geeze, I have enough stuff without picking up theirs!
Good for you!
I'm thinkin' it's a healthier place to be than continually beating on yourself (which I was inclined to do on occasion) or beating on someone else (which I was also inclined to do on occasion!).
I'm proud for ya.
And proud OF ya.
((((((((((( ILTV ))))))))))))
And I'm glad.
Teenagers are tiring enough of an ordeal! ;-)
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