so what do you do when it all goes horribly wrong
(of course, rather than dwelling on miserable - if momentarily insightful - poetry, one can always use the resource at hand. . . the www)
when one of your children hates you, despises you, turns all the vengeance in the world on you
and you can't for the life of you work out what you did wrong (apart from the obvious) (is it the obvious - or is that too simplistic an answer?)
and you can't for the life of you work out what you did wrong (apart from the obvious) (is it the obvious - or is that too simplistic an answer?)This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
PHILIP LARKIN
(of course, rather than dwelling on miserable - if momentarily insightful - poetry, one can always use the resource at hand. . . the www)
3 comments:
One of the most difficult things to do....that was my experience anyway.....
I wanna hug all my parents who think it's about them being a rotten parent and person.
Pretty much what I find myself wanting to do here.
Kiddo has his own 'stuff' to get sorted through, yaknow? And yup--sometimes it's the obvious and it is that simple.....and that complicated.
Despite knowing all that I know and doing all that I do, I landed there.
And yup, it was the obvious and the simple that he was angry about.
They're on loan to us....and we teach, not perfectly--but the best we can. And, as any normal teen, they reach the stage of defining themselves 'outside' of their parent, becoming independent and their own person. They take their perceptions, their experiences, their 'truths' and they move into life as a young adult. We don't get to interfere with that process.
We do get to deal with the uglies and the pretties along the way.
Some are more palitable than others.
Set limits, stick to them. Have expectations both ways--and hold up your part of the deal no matter what.
And love 'em.
I know you know these things. Just harder than hard to do when you're in the midst of the storm.
And for heaven sakes, make sure you're taking care of you....which is what the web reminded you of well.
Rest when weary. Fight 'fair'. Offer an ear with lips sealed. Indulge in some replenishment for your own soul. And remember it's not about 'bad parenting' and 'bad person'.....it's about kids being kids and struggling to wrap their heads around what's difficult for adults to wrap their heads around, simple and obvious as those things may be.
Oh. And chocolate.
I preferred espresso coffee--but that's cuz I'm not a chocolate fan.
I drank a LOT of espresso.
All good sense, what Mel says and even what the www says.
And it's all very well for PL to say it's all his parent's fault but INMNSHO kids need to be reminded that they can choose not to be f***ed up just as adults can.
Oh but I feel for you!
But they can, one day, become best friends even when they've been through hell as kids and tried to drag you along with them.
Yes, look after yourself.
More big hugs! Lots of them.
xxxxx
And just thinking, the taking time out when he pushes your buttons too hard is a good idea and especially explaining that you're taking a break because you might be losing your own control - so he knows you aren't indifferent. Does that make sense?
sometimes it's just in the job description, you just got to take it because you can, and he can't really do it to anyone else other than his parents and siblings - and the one he feels most at ease with and closest to, is the one who will get most of the grief. so i believe.
Take a deep breath and how ever hard it is so to do - remember he loves you.
And the storm will pass.
Post a Comment